Stray Branches

This Uncertain Journey

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Melancholy clouds linger

in the aftermath of rage

Flames__

calmed to a whisper

by the soul gushing promise of a distant

and accommodating rain

to wash away the smoke filled shadows of sky

Unfolding into the dark mystery

of spoken silence

That blankets us within its deep unknown

as we close our eyes to sorrow

creeping into the narrow spaces of hope

A threat as we toil with our thoughts, emotions,

uncertainty and the rubble at hand

Not all is burned beyond recognition

there still is life to be saved, still a light

and a rhythm to move ahead

As a shy sun begs permission

for another day to dance, to bless us

while we half sleep

Our shock tucked in tightly around us

we awaken to the possibilities

of newness and change as we rise to take another step

down the path of this uncertain journey

that may or may not lead to recovery from the storm

But we continue on, moving forward to re-build from dreams

that were never truly lost, only misplaced for a time

Slowly__

easing into reality

Knowing it’ll never again look the same

as before the match was lit

Yet the structure remains enough intact

to be something beautiful still

 

*Appeared in the fall issue of SP Quill Magazine/Poem was a winner of Shadow Poetry's

monthly Word Masters Triple Challenge Award for June.

 

Devil's Moon

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Blood red

against the pitch black

of an endless abyss

of mystery

there hangs,

Watchful

like the eye

of the Devil

casting in his gaze

wicked shadows

of haunting possession

of a night

falling under

the hypnotic spell

of Hell’s light

burning

in the unholy darkness

of sin

Alive in the Heavens

lit by the fire

of a

Devil’s moon

*Appeared in the '06 issue of Nocturnal Lyric #66

 

 

Mortality

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I find great comfort here among the silence of stone angels

Peace in the vision of outstretched wings

guarding the weary who have come to dream in the garden of last sleep

and welcoming those who still come to visit and cry to bones

And though I know none by name

I find myself among friends just the same

I bring them roses and am not afraid of souls at rest

knowing what others fear is truly not the dead

but the reality of their own mortality...

 

"And all those we mourn we will know again"

 

appeared in the Fall/Winter 2004 issue #64 of Nocturnal Lyric

 

I Dreamt Of Butterflies_

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I dreamt of butterflies

with gouged out eyes

falling from a dark,

empty sky_

I dreamt of butterflies

writhing and helplessly

dying at my feet,

maggots

growing in place of wings_

I dreamt of butterflies

and I could have sworn

I heard them cry

but no,

those tears were mine_

I dreamt of butterflies

and was reminded of the ache,

the pain of life

knowing what it is to die

each time I wake_

bleeding

where I once had wings_

Jul '01

*Appeared in The Nocturnal Lyric, issue #62, June '03. Editor: Susan Moon

 

Victory For The Worms

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When by the hands of death

I am forever laid down

and my flesh again becomes the earth

Victory it will be for the worms

who eagerly await underground

to feed upon my decay

Happily they will feast

upon the chill of my lifeless remains

Knowing victory in my death

when again I am the dirt

digested in the bowels of the worms

who after their victory feast

will make in my hollow bones

a permanent home

where in and out of empty sockets

they will squirm and breed...

*Appeared in issue # 7, October 2000 ~ Edgar Digested Verse…editor John Picinich Published under pen name Spencer Berk.

 

Human

_________________________________________________________

I don't always say what I mean

I lie sometimes and there are times

I simply hide in the silence my secrets from you

And there times the words just come out wrong and they wound

I say I’m sorry, coming clean with the truth

humbled by your tears

reminded again of just how fragile we truly are

 

*Appeared in the Aug/Nov ‘04 issue of Feelings of The Heart

 

I Remember...Walking Home In November

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I remember...

walking home in November

under amber skies at dusk,

swift Autumn breezes

hand in hand

the both of us

leaves crunching at our feet

I remember...

warm cider,

cozy sweaters and

quiet conversation,

dreaming

by the light of a crackling fire

as we laid out our plans

of a life together,

settling in

for a long winter’s season

But who knew

it would end so soon

and I’d lose you long before

the spring came,

gone without reason

Still I keep

in that special place

within me

the parts of you

that death cannot take

and each time I feel alone

from missing you

I simply close my eyes

and I remember...

us together, I remember...

walking home in November

11/13/03

Also appeared in the Aug/Nov ‘04 issue of Feelings of The Heart

 

Dusting

_________________________________________________________

In clearing the cobwebs

from my past

I find in forgotten places

the dust of a dream

Collected in lost journals where they lay

with their broken spines,

yellowed pages and fading rhyme

A life in words left unspoken, left undone,

tucked away in the corners of a drawer

and upon the shelves of a million said "somedays"

never to have come

Appeared in The April-September '04 issue of Small Brushes; Adept Press

 

The following seven poems all appeared in Our Journey (a magazine for survivors) from 2000-2002 and were written while in therapy trying to deal with the affects of my own abuse as a child and my on-going battle with depression.

Phantom Heart

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I am merely

a painted expression,

batting my eyes and smiling fake smiles

while practicing my lines,

each word, each emotion rehearsed

as I am just an actress

up on this lonely stage playing a part,

mumbly moving through the scenes of my life

with empty pain and

phantom heart

 

Healing The Past

_________________________________________________________

When our silence is broken

and our truths are brought

out into the open,

When pain is exposed and

given a name,

When our secrets no longer

weigh us down and

by fear we are no longer bound

Only then can we begin

to put our lives back on track

and start our journey of survival,

a journey which leads to finding

what we’ve lost, ourselves

along with a peace that comes from

healing the past

 

Ghostly Rain

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And the night finds me alone

save for the shadows which roam

in and out of the haunting silence of

fading light

illuminated...

the shadow of my loneliness

in the flicker of a conflicted sky

All is hushed

save for the rain which falls in a ghostly mist...

the sound of a thousand finger tips

touching my window pane

reaching into my loneliness

pulling emotion from my silent soul

until I feel the return of a ghostly pain

as tears sting reluctant eyes

And I find myself here

in the hauting sadness of a lonely night

where all is hushed...silent

save for the sound

of a ghostly rain...

steadily faliing down

 

This Darkness

_________________________________________________________

 

This darkness

shall not forever

block the sun,

this pain

shall not bring me

permanent defeat

or take from me

my dreams

for I cannot, will not

ever give up

I’ve come much

too far

to just disappear

into the dark

and while my heart

has been broken

it beats still

and remains strong

therefore I can

and will go on

never surrendering to

this darkness

 

Journey To Recovery

_________________________________________________________

There's no going back

and changing the past

but the future

is ours to mold

and there's no changing

where we’ve been

only knowing that now

we have the strength,

the freedom to choose

the direction in which we will go

 

Shadows

_________________________________________________________

In dreams

shadows dance

their wicked dance

hiding their faces

Moving in and out

of my reality

taunting me

with glimpses

of their brutality

Their secrets,

my secrets

leaving me to question

all that I once

thought to be real

Shadow laugh,

haunting me,

touching me, probing

my locked memory

Shadows forever emerge

from places that hurt

Shadows in my sleep

Shadows

I cannot escape

for even after I wake

they bring moments of pain,

moments of nothingness

and the moments I go insane

 

A Shared Journey

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Here we are, a gathering of friends from near and far brought together by the similarities of our past and by the uniqueness and story each of us has. Traveling together searching for what each of us has always yearned, a place to belong, to feel accepted, understood and safe with no one leading and no one lagging behind but traveling together side by side on this, a shared journey of survivors together, reclaiming our lives.

*Appered on the bottom front page of each issue.

 

You Are My Life

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You are my light

in moments of darkness,

You are my Spring

in the cold of Winter,

My smile

and my happiness,

You are my sunshine

when the clouds bring rain

and only you can stop my pain

At times I wonder

without you where I’d be

When it seems no-one else

gives a damn

you are there, and you

try to understand me

You are my strength

in times of weakness

You encourage and allow me

to grow, standing beside me,

Your love you never forget to show

and I love you too, I want you to know

You are my hero, my knight

You are my life

*First poem to accepted for publication in 1993.  I can't say that I really like this one or even that it's any good.  But I guess we all have to start somewhere.